Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
