yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
