I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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