I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
