My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
