sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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