hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
