worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
