But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
