worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
