you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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