I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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