that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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