why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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