Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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