I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
