I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
