Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
