So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
