I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
