Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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