I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
