hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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