eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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