'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
