I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
