if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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