Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
