You can't motorboat a personality
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
