Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
