somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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