I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize