I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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