in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
