I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
