She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
