I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
