I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
