True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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