I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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