I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
