just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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