I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
