Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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