Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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