Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
