Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Define "chronic" masturbator.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
