he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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