i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
