Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drunk is not a location!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
