The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
