You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
