There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
