I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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