You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
