hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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