Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
