So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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