I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
