Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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