he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
