You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
