Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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