Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
