You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
