I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
