exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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