cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
