We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
