Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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