i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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