Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
